goofy pick-up lines

1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)....Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
3. Nice legs...what time do they open?
4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher,have you seen one?
9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on Earth tonight.
10. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
11. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
12. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
13. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
14. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
15. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
20. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
21. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?
22. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
23. My name is Austin ... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
24. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
25. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
26. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."
27. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
28. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
29. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
30. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
31. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?
32. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
33. Do you sleep on your stomach? no..........? Can I???
34. Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.
35. I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

What goes around comes around

He almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so .. was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you.

He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough.

Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.


Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed,
and Bryan added, "And think of me."


He waited until she started her car and drove off It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the
twilight.


A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip
home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps.


The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill.

The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin. There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too.

Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."


Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.


Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from
work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed
it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard..

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's gonna be all
right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."